Kochikame: Kaipan Special (part 1)

Guys, this post has been such a long time coming. But now it's been held back simply too long to tolerate. It's time, my friends. It's time. For Kaipan Special.

Ryo-san and co. are waiting outside the police box for someone special to arrive. Their reason? Well . . . who knows! The series still isn't subbed and I don't understand their oriental hyper-speak. But one thing is for sure.

With the arrival of this visitor . . .

Their world will be forever changed.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Special Detective Kaipan.

Not exactly what you were expecting?

Believe it.

Every inch of him oozes manliness and virility.

Truly a man among men.

Upon arrival, he reaches inside his beautiful speedo.

The scandal!

But it's not what you think, pervs.

Business cards, simple business cards.

That's just where he keeps them, I guess!

Anyway, they talk for a bit and it seems like Kaipan is turning his nose down at our more homely members of the Katsushika Ward. Which is understandable. As an elite Special Detective, he's just plain better than they are. FACT.

Well, what makes a Special Detective so special! Ryo-san demands. Quite simple, my good man.

They can do THIS!

Well, despite his initial surprise, Ryotsu still isn't exactly impressed.

But that's not all Kaipan can do.

Let him demonstrate the flexibility of his toned bod.

A--astounding.

Had enough yet?

Hardly! Ryo-san's gonna teach this uppity mostly naked guy a lesson!

But what's this?!

THUD.

It seems Ryo-san can't get a grip on his well-oiled body!

Time for Kaipan to strike back!

Victory: Kaipan
Now that that's sorted, it's time for Kaipan to get down to the real reason he came here. It's--

Oh, but what's this? His watch goes off.

Ah, time for his hourly break. Once more his hands dip into his pouch . . .

It's just a banana.

It's important to keep up your potassium intake you know.

You guys want any? (those speedos sure are roomy)

ANYWAY. The real reason Kaipan is paying their police box a visit is because he needs a volunteer to assume the mantle of Special Detective with him for the day. It's an elite assignment that only cops with the best of records could possibly hope to fill.

The decision on who gets to do it is unanimous.

The uniform looks good on you, Ryo-san!

But being a Special Detective is about far more than just how little you're wearing. In addition, you must carry yourself with a certain poise.

Ryo-san isn't interested in anything like that!

Kaipan feels the need to demonstrate what he means.

As a Special Detective
your buttocks must be tight and chiseled at all times.

Those simply won't do.

"What's wrong with my ass?" Ryo-san asks (or so I imagine xD)

Time for another pouch rummage.

He withdraws a brace of pencils!

Watch and learn, rookie.

Utilizing the muscular force of his glutes . . .

. . .

Amazing! He snapped every pencil in two!

Now you try.

But before Ryotsu's attempt can begin, their little meeting is interrupted by a phone call. But wait a second, that's not the police box's ring!

Ah, it's Kaipan's.

He seems like sort of a strange guy, don't you think?

Once his call is finished, all it takes is a whirl of his fingers . . .

A toss in the air . . .

. . . and the phone is deposited back where it belongs.

What a guy!

The phone call turned out to be about an emergency situation that only a Special Detective could hope to resolve. Kaipan and Ryotsu race to the scene!

On the way, Ryo-san complains about the chill. He's used to having a few more layers on!

Well, Kaipan has a solution for that too in his bag of goodies.

Here, some ladies stockings will help warm you.

Well, this is certainly going to be an interesting case . . .

TO BE CONTINUED!

(much thanks to Hushicho for pointing this episode out to me after my own efforts failed)